They Always Come With Strings Attached
by Lucillia
Summary: Clara learns the hard way that it isn't always advisable to snag a free sample that's on offer, and Danny Pink learns that he's willing to put up with weird - very, very, weird with a side of alien - for Clara.
1. The Free Sample

The Doctor made some random grumbling complaint that was more meant to remind Clara that he was still there, and still walking next to her as they wandered around the 51st Century bazaar than as an actual complaint. Clara who was taking the occasional bite out of a flaky pastry and almost completely ignoring him as she took in their surroundings turned to look at him with that little frown that showed that she didn't approve of his complaint regarding the overly warm temperature of the environment under the dome which kept ice and the freezing weather of the Antarctic out. After acknowledging his presence, the young woman turned and something caught her eye.

"Look!" she said as she pointed at a sign. "They're giving away free samples."

"Contrary to what the sign says, they're not free!" he snapped. "It's a trick to lure you in so you'll be forced to buy something from them."

Completely ignoring the trap which would most likely consist of some sort of highly addictive snack that likely came with symptoms of withdrawal if it wasn't consumed regularly, Clara got into the line that had gathered near the booth which was advertising free samples of whatever product was on offer. Sighing, he went and joined her if only to bat her hand away from the snack tray when she reached the head of the line.

As he watched, everyone ahead of him and Clara who weren't the only pair in line was handed a package which was surprisingly large for a free sample before they walked away, meaning that everyone had bought something as soon as they reached the counter. Based on the shape, size, and outer appearance of the packaging, he had the sneaking suspicion that that something was a live animal of some sort. Seeing as he didn't want any animals aboard the TARDIS, and he was sure that Clara didn't have the sort of lifestyle that easily leant one to the proper caretaking of a pet, he attempted to drag the Impossible Girl who was an impossible girl in more ways than one out of the line. Clara would not be deterred however.

Eventually, he and Clara reached the head of the line.

"I'm here for one of the free samples." Clara said when she examined the completely bare counter that was sitting in front of her.

"I have to inform you that free samples will be random." the salesperson said in an almost bored tone. "But, for a small fee, we can fully customize your order to your specifications."

"No, random's fine." Clara replied, apparently realizing what he'd been right about it being a hook to lure her in, but being determined to get the sample of what they were offering nonetheless.

Giving the sort of rude salesperson look that was reserved for people who obviously shouldn't be in the shop or cheapskates who technically fell into the above category, the guy who was manning the counter pulled out a device, jabbed Clara, jabbed him, and then disappeared into the back with it before he could reach over the counter and grab the man who'd just taken a genetic sample from him.

"Your order will take a few minutes before it's ready." the man said, looking as if he was preparing to go into a sales pitch. "Perhaps you would like to look through our cagalogue while you wait?"

"No thank you." he said, still feeling exceedingly unhappy over the theft of his genetic information, which many civilizations would kill to get their hands on. Unfortunately, considering the fact that the bored salesperson hadn't seemed to register the exact value of what he'd just taken, he couldn't make a scene and potentially clue him in if a scanner hadn't done so already.

"Well, surely a gentleman of your...refinement wouldn't allow his baby to go naked and have no place to sleep." the man said.

He froze for a second as he processed the man's statement.

"My _what_?" he said, barely restraining his urge to strangle someone in case he'd misheard or the TARDIS had mistranslated. Next to him, Clara was looking shocked, though knowing her, that shock was more than likely going to turn into anger very quickly.

The salesperson looked confused for a moment before realization seemingly hit. "Surely you've heard of Williams and Company. We're the finest infant outfitters from here to the Vegas Galaxies. You know, 'When you make a child, make your child a Williams'?"

Seeing their blank looks and apparent non-recognition of the company slogan, the salesperson grew exceedingly amused as if what had just happened was the funniest thing he'd seen all year.

"You do realize that by accepting the offer of a free sample, you have done so at your own risk and the company cannot be held responsible for your dissatisfaction with our product." the salesperson said, looking even more amused, if that were even possible.

He quickly grabbed and restrained Clara before starting to calculate Pi in order to keep himself from strangling the man. After an interminable wait in which he and Clara had purchased nothing, because Clara was too angry to think straight and he was too busy keeping Clara from committing homicide so he himself wouldn't commit homicide, there was a ding, a sarcastic call of "Order up!" and he found a small live animal stasis carrier being thrust under his nose.

Grabbing the package in one hand and Clara in the other, he stormed away from the counter.

"Just so you know, there's no returns on babies!" the salesperson called after him before laughing like a hyena on nitrous oxide. All too soon, the next person in line was laughing at him, and the next, and the next until the story spread to the entire line and they were treated to an entire chorus of laughter as they made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as they were in the TARDIS and the TARDIS was safely winging its way through the Time Vortex, he opened the package that was keeping his and Clara's child in stasis in order to see what they'd gotten.

It was a boy. A boy who looked perfectly formed with ten fingers, ten toes, Clara's dark brown hair, a pair of pale blue eyes and a very very cross expression. A quick scan with his sonic screwdriver which he'd added a scanning function to centuries ago revealed that the baby wouldn't be turning into a puddle of goo anytime soon. More medical tests to determine if the baby really was as healthy and viable as he looked would be required though.

"He's got my attack eyebrows." he said once he was done scanning the child, trying to calm down for the sake of the baby who didn't need anger and resentment over his existence swirling around him at the moment.

"He's naked." Clara pointed out.

"I think I have some doll clothes that might fit him somewhere in the wardrobe." he replied, remembering that period during which Barbara and Susan had spent hours upon hours making a little wardrobe for a baby doll.

"Where's he going to sleep?" Clara asked.

"I still have my old cradle." he said, clamping down on that dark memory of the day the infant who wasn't Melody Pond had been laid in it. There had been a time that he'd thought the cradle which was meant for his children and grandchildren would forever remain empty, and then, when Amy had had her baby, he'd been willing to share, willing to accept the child as a member of his own family. That hadn't turned out well however.

Hopefully, this would turn out better. Considering his previous track record with family however, he seriously doubted it.

"I just realized something." Clara said as she reached down into the carrier in order to retrieve her newborn son. "How the hell am I going to explain a baby?"


	2. Problems and Awkwardness

Danny Pink who'd been born with the godawful name of Rupert frowned as he watched Clara damn near run into a wall despite the fact that she'd damn near drained the pot full of caffeinated tea in the teachers' breakroom earlier and should be jittery as hell. After their strange and disastrous first date in which both of them had said precisely the wrong thing and walked out on each other before he'd opened his apartment door to find Clara on his doorstep, their relationship had been anything but normal. The second date had gone much better than the first. The third date however had been canceled with the promise of a rain check.

Looking at Clara now, he could see that she was suffering from symptoms of extreme sleep deprivation and clearly running on nothing but caffeine. Something had happened in Clara's life, something beyond whatever mysterious thing it was that had her disappearing every weekend, and he intended to find out what it was and fix the problem before Clara made a stupid mistake and killed herself by stepping in front of a car or something.

"Are you alright?" he asked Clara after running up and opening the door to her classroom which she'd inattentively run into a second earlier.

"Yes, I'm fine." Clara replied, not looking the least bit fine. He'd learned to tell after...Whatever Clara's problem was, he hoped to god it wasn't drugs, and that the bloodshot look to her eyes was a result of sleep deprivation.

Resolving that he would get to the bottom of things after work today whether or not Clara wanted to, if only for the safety of her students, he stepped back as the woman practically staggered over to her desk.

* * *

><p>Clara had barely managed to keep her eyes open despite the fact that she was supposed to be teaching the class. She hadn't gotten much sleep over the last several days. Babies were very demanding. Especially half-Time Lord babies who were the offspring of constant complainers with Caledonian accents.<p>

She'd brought it upon herself however. The Doctor had been completely willing to take care of the child, alone if need be considering the fact that she wasn't willing to stay aboard the TARDIS for the next several decades, but when she'd heard the baby screaming as the Doctor ran far more medical tests on him than were necessary, she'd angrily demanded that he take her home and marched out of the TARDIS with the baby in her arms.

The Doctor had followed her yelling about the fact that it was _**HIS **_child until she'd slapped him. As far as she was concerned, conducting medical experiments on the baby lost him all fatherhood privileges until he proved he had a damn good reason for each and every one of the tests he'd conducted. When and only when she was satisfied that he hadn't been abusing the baby out of scientific curiosity or whatever would she allow him to visit. Until then, she was Michael's only parent as far as she was concerned.

Being a single mother when one hadn't had any time to prepare for it was proving exceedingly difficult and frustrating though. If it hadn't been for Kate, Osgood, and U.N.I.T. itself, odds were that things would've been a great deal more difficult. U.N.I.T. had been able to provide documentation for the baby, and to arrange for a caretaker for the baby for when she was at work. A caretaker she had the sneaking suspicion also doubled as a bodyguard, seeing as a thorough examination of the baby after each one of the caretaker's visits hadn't revealed any suspicious bruises or needle marks whatsoever.

Even with the help of said caretaker who departed when she arrived at home since she'd refused a live-in nanny or a move to a house provided by U.N.I.T. which she was certain would come with a large number of strings attached, she had gotten virtually no sleep over the last several days. A big part of the problem was that the baby would start loudly demanding food or a diaper change every couple of hours. Another part of the problem was that she was afraid that she'd wake up only to discover that the Doctor had snatched her child in the night and that she'd never see either of them again, considering the terms they'd parted on.

She'd been uncertain about the whole surprise baby that didn't come with several months advance warning thing, but with each passing day she grew more and more attached to the child that she could clearly see was hers. She loved children, and the thought of losing one that was her own flesh and blood was unbearable.

Eventually, the school day ended and she found herself face to face with Danny whom she'd eventually have to explain herself to. She'd been avoiding this, even though she had a cover story she could give him. A cover story which U.N.I.T. had already prepared, making her wonder exactly how many of the Doctor's other companions had come home with children in tow. The reason she was afraid to explain herself to Danny was because she knew that it would change everything in their fragile and budding relationship which was already looking like it would crash and burn before even fully taking off.

As she was gathering her belongings and getting ready to head out the door, Danny planted himself in the doorway looking as if he was preparing himself for a confrontation.

"Please get out of my way." she said, not wanting to face this right now when she was running on too little sleep and too much caffeine. They always said precisely the wrong thing to each other, and her current condition would only exacerbate that problem. Part of the reason she'd started dating him had been the awkwardness he had around her which she'd found charming. An awkwardness that she didn't need right now, especially since she had a similar knack for adding to the awkwardness of the situation.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." he said, firmly standing his ground.

"I don't have time for this, I have to go home and relieve the sitter." she said as she tried to move around him and found she couldn't.

"Sitter?" he asked, looking slightly puzzled.

"For the baby." she replied, realizing she wasn't getting out of this.

"Whose baby?" he asked.

"Mine." she replied, still looking for an escape.

He looked stunned by this revelation for a moment, and she took this opportunity to try and run off before the arguments and accusations started. Their first date had been filled with enough of those already, and she wasn't in the mood for a breakup on top of everything else at the moment, even though she knew it was happening.

"You didn't have a baby last week." he said, swiftly catching up with her due to the fact that her exhaustion had slowed her to a near crawl.

"He got sprung on me as a bit of a surprise." she replied.

Rather than asking how a baby could be sprung on someone as a surprise, the look on Danny's face turned sympathetic. From the looks of things, he'd been about to offer his condolences over the loss of someone close which she'd have to correct him over when a door to a supply cupboard opened and a familiar figure stepped out.

"I'm sorry, okay." the Doctor said the moment he'd gotten to a point that was just outside of striking range of her fists, looking about as apologetic as he was able to. "I know that some of the tests I ran weren't strictly necessary, but hybrids like little whoever usually take longer to create. As far as the test results are concerned, he's real, he's healthy, and he's genetically ours despite the fact that he shouldn't be all three."


End file.
